Life can be hard, but I am still thankful.

Today was a rough one.

Every once in a while the darkness seems to encompasses me. Today was that day. I spent way too much time dwelling on the things that I have absolutely no control over and playing the 'why me' game. I get so frustrated with the circumstances, and I am trying so hard to stay positive and not let my feelings get in the way of important things.

I get angry that my days off are spent cleaning house and running errands. I am frustrated that my bank account is basically used to transfer money from the bank to creditors. I am frustrated that I can't buy my kids fun things and take them on vacations and spoil them like I want to. I hate that I have to work all the time to keep our heads above water. But even more, I hate that I let this stuff bother me.

But tomorrow is another day, so I will just have to try again.

Now to get on with being thankful.

Night shifts are difficult for me. I don't sleep well and I drink WAY too much soda to stay awake. Well, the result of that is swollen feet and ankles for me. Yesterday I had "cabbage patch feet" and after taking a long bath, my sweet husband rubbed my feet for me. Seems like a simple thing, but I consider that such a kind gesture and act of love. I am thankful for the fact that he even offered, and even more so that he followed through.

I am thankful for a restful nights sleep. Last night I slept SO GOOD! It was the first night in months that I woke up feeling refreshed and like I had enough sleep. I know it was because I wasn't sleeping alone. It is amazing how safe and comfortable you are when you are sleeping next to someone who loves you.

That brings me to my next thought: Starting next week I won't be doing full time graveyards any more. I will be going back to day shift with a possibility of one night a week (just PRN work to make some extra money so we can get on top of things.)

One more thing to be thankful for: kids that ask for goodnight hugs and kisses. It is starting to be a more frequent request and I am thankful for that. In the last two years of struggling to take over for an absent parent, I was afraid they would never accept me as their mom. I know that I am not biologically their mother, but I am more of a mother to those kids than she has ever been. And I think they are finally old enough to see the difference in how a family is supposed to be.

On to another day and more to be thankful for.