Late night ramblings...

I am having a rough night. I figure since it is 3:35 am and no one is around, I should blog. I used to be so good about writing my thoughts down on paper and letting stuff just go. It seems that now I have made it a habit if holding it all in and waiting until I explode. Not such a good idea. 

Lets talk about what has me so lit up tonight: 

The ex.
Not mine,
His.

I would say that I hate her, but that won't quite sum up how I feel. Hate is a childish word used by simple minded people. I will come up with a better word when I am not so sleep deprived.

I just spent the last hour reading HER BLOG. A long, drawn out pity party of how my husband ruined her. How she will never love again. How he abused and neglected her to the point that she will never regain any sense of self-esteem. How he lied, manipulated, and tore her soul apart.
Seriously?

I am not comparing myself to her, cause really, why would I want to do that? But come on, people. We have all been hurt. We have all been taken advantage of. 'Most of us' have been neglected, used, and left behind.  That is life. That is why we are who we are. That is what made me strong and resilient. I don't use it as a crutch and neither should you. Stop complaining. 

Now let me tell you why I am so fired up about it. 

My husband and I have been together for two years now. In the past two years, her kids have lived with me. I have taken care of their every need. I have enrolled them in school, dance, wrestling, taken them to the doctor, taken them for haircuts, family vacations and dates, bought clothes, glasses, and even thrown their birthday parties. I have taken sick days to care for them. The exact same thing I do for my own child. I love them. They are MY KIDS. Well, about a year ago she realized that I had taken her place. She saw that the broken pieces of her family that she had tossed aside (for her "something shiny" new boyfriend) had been slowly and meticulously been placed back together. This thing she didn't want to be part of...well, it is better than she ever imagined. The kids are thriving in my home. My husband is a kind, caring and good man. He is tender and thoughtful and kind. We have a new home and a new car and great jobs. Now she wants it back. She will never say it to my face, but we all know. 

Well, miss thing, let me tell you this: I will die before you take my family from me. You think your frivolous lawsuits are going to get you anywhere? Think again. I will fight you to the end. You will not take your past and turn it into my future. You are a lying, cheating, manipulative, selfish cheater and one day you will get what you have coming to you. Karma is a bitch. 

You will not win this battle, nor this war. So take your broken self and get some help. Change your life. Get a new job, get with someone who doesn't cheat on you and use you. Prioritize your time to spend quality time with the kids. Stop lying. Quit trying to buy their affection with toys and McDonald's. Stop trying to manipulate your way into my home. You are not welcome here. 

I hope you find peace. Not because I think you deserve it, but because if you find it then you will leave me the hell alone. One of these days we might be able to get along and I will tolerate your presence. Would I ever be your friend? Hell no. You are a snake in the grass and I will avoid you to keep my family safe. 

Now as I prepare for a day that I never thought I would have to deal with, I say this: No matter the outcome you will not bring us down or tear us apart. Our love will withstand anything you throw at us. Why is that? Well, we built our marriage on LOVE and we have made covenants to each other that you will never understand. I won't abandon my husband because of tough times (especially the ones that come upon us by the havoc that you create). I am better than that. I won't abandon my husband during a trial. I will fight for him, too, because that's what loving someone is all about. 

I am not in a competition with you. I run my own race. I do not desire to try to be better than you. Know this: I will not become a victim to your bitterness, smallness, hate or insecurities. Prepare to fight. You have no clue who you are dealing with.